Time Out for Love

It's been a busy week! Thankfully, I have finally found a few minutes to answer another question. Tammy, another dear friend from the decorating forum, wants to know:

Being as devoted to your family as you are, what things did you and Papa do to keep your relationship as a couple fun, loving & interesting...special and close? I love hearing these things! :)

Good question, Tammy! I'm not sure that I can adequately answer it, but I'll try. : ) Papa and I definitely spent a great deal of time with our own children as well as quite a few "chosen children". I've lost count of the number of kids who call me "Mama". Our home has long been a hangout and a refuge for the twenty-something set, meaning that more evenings than not there was a lively crowd around our dinner table. We loved our time with the young folks, and wouldn't have changed it for anything. However we quickly learned that we were going to have to MAKE time for one another in the midst of it all.

Given the relaxed atmosphere, Papa and I felt comfortable sharing hugs and good-natured teasing in front of these young adults. Because some of them had never witnessed a healthy marriage, we felt that it was a positive thing for them as well. They loved it when I would plop down in Papa's lap and throw my arms around his neck. He kinda liked it, too. ; ) When the kids were otherwise occupied, we might even sneak a kiss or two in the kitchen, and we found moments to be alone for brief, whispered conversation. Teenagers aren't the only ones who can be creative about these things, you know. : )

While there were definitely some late-night discussions with the young folks about life, love, and other mysteries, Papa and I discovered that it was ok to say, "Goodnight", and slip away to our private sanctuary upstairs. The kids didn't mind, and the party could go on without us. Though the young ones might be watching a movie, shooting pool, or baking brownies, our time alone was a priority. Passion was not lacking on Daffodil Hill. ; )

Papa and I also learned to claim one night a week as our own. Not that we did anything exciting or romantic. It was just good to get away from the crowd and have some quality time to talk. We would often share a huge salad at our favorite restaurant, then browse at Lowe's until the store closed at 9:00. Together we planned one home improvement project after another, then we had fun making those projects become reality.

Though travel is challenging for me, Papa and I enjoyed trips together when we could fit them in. After our Jonathan died, we made a number of trips to places where he had been stationed in the Coast Guard, visiting with his friends, and re-living our memories. After a friend rebuilt Jonathan's Honda, Papa and I rode it out to the crash site in remembrance of Jonathan's last ride. This was one of the ways we healed together following the most traumatic experience of our lives. Very actively involved in Christian ministry among the poorest of the poor in Honduras, we made frequent trips to that beautiful country, as well. One simply cannot share such intense journeys with another person without becoming very close emotionally.

I don't know if this is what you expected to hear, but that's pretty much the way it was around here. Simply making time for one another in the middle of everyday life. No candlelight dinners or romantic scenes as in the movies, although we did enjoy an occasional moonlit walk on the beach. Though I wouldn't have objected, classic romantic evenings just weren't Papa's style. He expressed his love through service, and I appreciated him for that. I don't think it matters too much HOW you spend quality time with the one you love, only that you make it a priority. Life moves much too quickly for most people these days, making it difficult to find the time to build a strong marriage. I'm glad that Papa and I chose to take time out for one another even when it wasn't convenient. The closeness we shared was extra special and well worth the effort. : )